~ Sexual DARK hole ~

      Dark hole filled with sadness....
           Mysterious eyes sexually seductive drawing
     Her into her world of sexual healing craziness....
     One guy after another and the story unfolds
           2 an open ending....
        of sexual healing, curiosity that's SAD....
      And it ends b4 it starts so the new chapter
          Of I kissed a girl drunk had a 3sum opens up.....

     Her touch soft like a wild CAT with claws smooth, warm, hot
       Her lips aggressive, controlling, using, playful....
           Fun, mysterious, exciting, confusing, sad.....
      Her first drunk lesbian sexual experience....
         Her long dark hair desirable
       Her body warm like an oven, a perfect blanket ....
     A taste of pleasure and sweetness, licking, sucking
                Eating her pussy like ice cream
               chocolate swirl  an a cherry on top
     Her mesmerizing, gorgeous, deep, captivating eyes.....
         Let the sadness start, the emptiness start
                      meaningless nothing.......

     Depression drawn into the small
        tiny taste of sexual exploration, curiosity
          Of a thee sum, a small, kinky nympho acts of pleasure ....
       Dark sadness of sexual healing.....
          No pleasure, no pain, just emptiness of sad thoughts .....
        That can't be filled up with anything or replaced....
      Leading to self doubt destruction self awareness
         Self inflictions deep cuts, in the corners of her mind 2
       A rush thought of suicide while getting turned on
                           hot an bothered...
     Even when Pandora's box of sex, is open 4 pleasure and fun....
        It still feels empty, SAD, lonely ...
     Depressing 4her dark, cold and lonely a Black HOle
                 Of nothingness .....
       
   

   

~ DEAD INSIDE~

 
      Dripping sadness a loaded gun with one bullet a Rag dall with no tears
        She wants a smoke weed to ease the broken heart 
       SAD, Blue , crying broken DEAD INSIDE....
      Zipped lips sewed up hurting like a slow death 
         Of confusion turning into muck dirt.....
        Alcohol, anorexia, drug taking pill popin junkie 
       Living in the  sad shadows... A puppet on strings 
          Wishing upon a star, looking 4 a map a way out...

      Hurting from silence after silence into the night or day of gloom
        The bitterness turns into waiting 4death...
       Coldness, emptiness, of nothingness....
          Happiness an joy turn into a ball of sadness in the dark 
        Emotions an feelings turn into a rock that's dead....
        Cold ice cubs, of steal an fire burning....

        She dies every minute slower an slower inside 
          Where  the world can't see where her heart breaks 
         And her gray soul live she dies of sadness, boredom, depression 
        As her heart turns black and cold burns an breaks 
           Like glass into sadness.... A loaded gun with one bullet 
         A cup full jack with one cold cub of ice broken inside an outside 
               Click click click click BANG!!!

- SEX GODDESS -

Beautiful, soft, gorgeousness
  Wondering, mysterious, sparkling
 Glowing, dazzling, eyes.....
 A sex goddess a perfect moving
Picasso sex, love, painting of art
Barbie thin glamorous of a doll....

A charmed life beauty an magic tangled up
Coyote ugly sexy confidence sex goddess
Mac makeup
 Dark black blue eyeshadow
The holy grail of makeup
Mermaid drop dead gorgeousness
Sweet, kind, lovable, one of a kind
Sex goddess...

Natural soft kissable, exotic, sexy lips
A Gisele, karlie, sex goddess
Dark long light black brown hair
Cute nose, dimples and face....
Sex goddess seduction of gold
Hot, sticky, wet, dripping
Liquid wetness of a whisper
Of a sex goddess talented, believable
Truthfully poetry inside out, upside down
Inside out ...sex sex sex sex goddesses
Catered by Boyz Boyz Boyz
Sex goddess

- THIRD WHEEL-

     sadness loneliness deep down inside....
          Where no one can see, in those cold ice glass tears...
      Hiding behind those lonely brown eyes 
      Haziness falling an hurting herself, on the inside
            Nothing but a perfect mess, that needs 2heal 
       Who will fix her,  find her......clean her up....
      No one will ever understand how much 
    Emptiness, hollowness, of nothing 
                       Hurts....that's left untouched 
       Like a burn, sting, cut, 2 sock in...
          A gunshot 2 the heart , soul 
        The corners of her mind....
      An empty hole that can't be filled......
   An in crowd obsession 
        fake fairy tale, love story not written yet... 

   Only a third wheel.....
     No he 2 hold hands with finger tips to touch 
    No he 2 play with hide an go seek, talk 2, dance in the rain with
   No he that will sing in the middle of he night, 4her....
     No he that will tex every sec of the day...
   No he  2 hug an kiss call her own....
     No he 2 snuggle, cuddle with stick to....
   2 wake up with in the break of dawn morning sunrise with....
No he to sock in taste, obsess over, cling on 2 ...let go 
  Get lost in those gorgeous, dazzling, sparkling, amazing puppy 
                         EyEs .....
    No he 2 fuck 4 pleasure or to fuck over.....to get tangled up in 
    To breath in live in... Get lost in like a puzzle....

       It's over rated, just a simple (Third wheel ) 
   Not a balance of the magical number 
                      TWO..... 
          

~RED BATHTUB~

   Bathtub of tears, sadness, blood....
        A paper bag over her head ...
   Cash a gun for them, to blow her brains out....
      Darkness shades closed....
           Lights out stillness of shadows.....
     In the bathtub, with a bottle and a sharp knife....
    Self mutilation, harm, doubt, anger....
        Drugs, pills and blood everywhere....
    Everything is broken with sadness
     Close friends say goodbye too....
     Call every photo together FAKE..and years too,
           not real an cold if u wish..
    But she never did, never will,
       break her heart, let the friendship die
       And keep walking and never grow up...
        See who is there in the end
 Everything will change has changed, nothing left to say....
      If she doesn't care, why should she her friend.
                                 SAD....

 Close friends say goodbye too..
     In to deep in their own little world
           Of sad love harmful,dangerous love
  But u can't save them from harm...
       If they don't want to be saved,
 A piece or her will die 2, if she dies or a piece of her dies....
 That's her bestie without her, she feels like nothing....
   Cutting her wrists 2 feel something, not sadness or brokenness...
  It makes her ill, sick, sad...that she'll do anything 4her
    But can't save her, from her own monster, self disaster...
 Doesn't want to break her heart, just see her happy....
It is what it is, little by little she'll understand that they won't come back....
  Understand there in to deep, won't come back drift away with time....

  Close friends say goodbye too....
Always tomorrow and never come around....
    As the years fly away an the days too...
Love from far away, not close....
    You are dead to her too...nothing but sadness
In a bathtub of sadness....
      It's not so hard in this day in age,
 To pic up the phone an push a button
  To say hi ! I miss u.....sad:(
  The begging has stopped from her
Gone 2 far...
      Get lost in ur own world
  But the day u come around .....
No one will be might not be home...
   Sad give her heart a break and hurt her
  Where it hurts the most.




 

       
 

~BOYZ Mind GAMES~

 The first time 

      Hurting from guys After guys till she hit a wall, 

    Expecting nothing @all only sex at first ......

       But didn't mean to fall so quick in the long run...

   She realized that wasn't the way to go...

      The silence said It all, only breaking her more,

   And her low self -esteem, sadness...

   No way out of these memories and first experiences, of fucking guys only wanting sex...

  Nothing ells, after the first one...and losing her virginity 

 When it wasn't what she thought it was.... She spiraled out of control. one guy after another 

Only to forget the first time...she got to the point were sex was no longer pleasure, 

But depressing, sad, with no spark...she just let Guys use her body, she

Wasn't there 100% trying to use sex, as a way to escape her sadness...

Her beautiful friend said heart of mine, u can share all of u and ur feeling with one guy....

The sad part was she she didn't she split, cut her virginity up, and shared it with 4 different 

Guys along w herself and feelings... Learning the hard way it's not easy becoming 

A young lady aka a woman...

But lucky (4)~ said it all 

   Don't be shy around me, open up like u do with ur girlfriends, 

   Don't compare ur self 2 her, ur nobody special at all...

   CUP CAKE - said it nobody will love u, ur and ugly , fat stupid ho, bitch 

  For caring about me, coming undone naked for me.......he said 

 Lucky 4 spoke far all 3of them that had no ward 2say, only body messages, 

That she read unclear, the wards between the lines she couldn't see or read, 

Didn't know how.... Like ur sweet, kind, smart, and pure 

 But ur not bad enough, good enough for my list sorry .......

So she slowly hit the bottle one after another after another 

For months trying to erase their names....and memories stuck in 

Her dark black, broken heart black bruised,burnt soul 

The corners of her mind and deep dreams...she hit another wall 

Rock bottom with nothing left to say....but hopefully she can find her way

 Back to the light......

~THE CIRCLE~

A broken heart, soul girl inside ...
And everything will break 4no reason.....
Their world was to bright with glitz an glamour, green an gold...
And she wasn't bright enough, smart, hot, perfect
To live in their world.....just the way she was her.....
She wasn't cool enough 2be in their world of fun an perfection
Craziness,dirtiness.....
When she was there, she wasn't good enough...
She was nobody the sad clown of the party,
Of  awkward, strange, weird Waldo.....

A bench line friend on the outside looking in....
Dreaming of being in the circle....
Feeling left out....
 No matter how much she gave gives an gave
She didn't doesn't fit in the circle ....
Of social coolness, called the IN CROWD...
It wasn't good enough she was a square....
An will always be a square of uncool ness....

No matter how much money or materialistic things she gave...
No matter how much of her heart she gave...
No matter how many lies she told, rules she broke....
No matter how HOT she tried to look, be someone else
An not herself.....
She was never Ghana be COOL fit in the perfect CIRCLE...
And was always Ghana be a square....

Those were the rules of the cool kids....
Someone unperfected uncool like her
Was never Ghana be  EXCEPTED
As one of the cool kids
Or the the (IT GIRL) no matter what ...
She was destine 2be on that path....
The fates really love her....
An the sooner she excepts that
Walks away the less her heart, soul
Will get hurt inside......

-Pyschotic Beauty Obsession-

- If she was smart, funny, out going confident, popular,
Sassy, courageous, well spoken with kindness
An lovable sweetness like her.....

Then maybe the beauty inside her
Wouldn't kill break her heart. Eat her alive with sadness
Into a million pieces, with fear, depression, anxiety
Coldness, shallowness, hollowness, emptiness of
                   Nothingness at all...
An drive her crazy, to be somebody ells that's
                   Well put together

If she was spontaneous, charming, pretty, beautiful,
Glamorous, stunning, attractive
Hot, sexy, wild, seducing like her.....

She wouldn't be a nobody, a worthless loser,
A virgin 2 lots of things, socially dysfunctional, awkward
A muse, a stupid joke, weird, strange, goofy, special
Different, a buzz kill, a nerd, geek, dork, freak
An uncool Waldo, a boring person so dead inside,
Trapped inside a glass jar looking out,
   Wishing she could break out
Into a beautiful butterfly,

If she was cool, popular, wonderful, amazing,
Perfect like her......

She wouldn't be on the outside of the circle,
Looking in wishing to be in the circle...
Different doors would open,
Different talents and skills would appear
a good luck charm she would  be
A perfect magazine image she would be
An Unbroken girl, she would be
All the things she desire to be,
An more....

If she was like her.....

Then maybe she wouldn't cut her wrist an
Wish that she was never born, think that
She was so ugly an fat, looking through her
Mind broken mirror of insecurities...
drown into a
Psychotic obsession of being her.....
Fucken perfect an skinny, an bleaching
Her beautiful skin to one fucken perfect color...
An mutilating her body in every way
That u can think of, 2be perfect....
Because 2 her being being perfect
Was not being her lovely self
 But someone els,wishing to be
Someone els an not her at all.

 (4 -L.V ):):)

-GRAY WHISKERS-

Lp says LLaslin
       Died
The day she saw him, and crossed his path
  And sunk in his name in, socked in his face
She fell 4 him so hard an let him in....
Let down her walls, of insecurities....
   The day he robbed a bitter, sweet
     Imperfect, perfect, long an wet
     Kiss from her soft lips
Looked her in the eyes, an created a spark
     That moved and gravitated her heart, 2the light

She died the day....
   She crawled into his angel
    Mesmerizing, dazzling, sparkling,
     Glowing, brown eyes
      Tasted the corner, of his perfect lips
      With every kiss like sweet, honey, chocolate
      She died that day inside, just a little...

 She died the day...
   She trusted him with her heart....
   As she slipped into his soft bed sheets
                    Naked
   On a cold winter day...
    And gave him all of her, with every kiss
                   orgasm
       Touching his beautiful mocha skin
              And falling for him
      Even a small peace of her heart
     She died the day....
     He made his way to her heart, head, dreams
   

- LUCkY QUARTER-

 

 Besties one of a kind

Like a lucky quarter 

But so different like a lucky quarter....

Six inch heels long dark gorgeous hair 

Hates the attention secretly loves the fiasco

Of adventure, has been there done that...

Beautiful make up covering up 

       The real her who she really is...

Dark eye shadow lip gloss...

Has enough 2smile, but is still looking 4more 

A mysterious sex goddess, under cover 

Breaking walls down, touching hearts

Reaching 4 the sky always..... 

The other side of the quarter....

Short hair,flats an no make up 

Dreaming of trouble, having it all

Making a crazy mess, getting an attitude 

But still looking 4 more....

Secretly loving the attention, an hates the fiasco...

Awkward, goofy,empty, weird, boring, kind, 

   Sweet on the T....

Nowhere near being a sex goddess 

Dreaming of an exit out of a box 

   Of sharp objects....

But still besties, will be besties 

Like a lucky quarter 

Who knows how or why?and who cares 

  

 For ( S.S- and L.V)

~ wALKING AWAY~

    She died inside the second
           the day she met Him

    She died inside a little
      the day she kissed Him
     let him IN
       Now wishes she never met him

     She fought 4 them from day 1
       He doubted them from day 1
   Before the sparks, electrcity, started

    He didnt let her IN...
      let her heal all his wounds, cuts
    wear his hat, let her love him

    She waited for him 2 take control
   and he shut it down, before it they started
 he used her led her on
    and she was the stupid one to blame
and the only one
       that got hurt in the ednd

  He was trouble the day she fell 4 him
  he ate a pice of her heart
     an now forever more will never be the same

   Dont know what to think, she couldnt
  keep a hold of him, he slipped away
     in to thin air....
  can't explin, what can't be explained
know is left heal, her own HEART.....
 and wonder why, what hapened ?
  a lesson learned in the end

   "No one will ever know anyone"

~ WHY COULDN'T SHE WEAR HIS HAT~

The silence and a record playing
    soft music like looking through
a kaleidoscope of love....
crawling into his soft glowing eyes 4 one night ....
where the light and darkness shines
touching his lips, trying 2 mend all his wounds
                 and deep scars
with kisses and a few shots of vodka
  coming undone naked letting him in
was amazing like star gazing, moonlight soul dancing...
      why couldn't she wear, his hat that's all?

But all his walls of insecurities, fears
       were hard 2 break through
feeling nothing of any emotion was to sad
hard 2 get through 2, tangled up in him
for a night in his bed naked, under his sheets
         skin 2 skin a turn on giving it to him all of her.....
and touching his heart, was something ells
        like tasting a piece of heaven an souls touching
  so why couldn't she wear his hat.....

But the only one who ended up,
     with a broken heart was her....
trying to make her way inside 2 his heart
but couldn't reach it, instead he made his way
      2 her heart, found it shattered it
a little bit, but not meaning 2
only looking for something.....
   so why couldn't she wear his hat
hold his pretty little hand in hers ....

~ His Lips~

Sweet bitter kisses
  in graded, inked, tattooed
into her dreams
  the taste, smell of him
left on her shirt, SKIN
  a night of drinking....
leading 2 falling an letting go
 coming undone 2 NAKEDNESS
   skin to skin
kisses in graded, tattooed, inked
    all over her body 4 one night 
of pleasure, a rush a thrill....

 A night of no words spoken
only body language
speaking of
      merging, colling, breaking slowly
pushing soft slowly, 
     in, an out, deeper, tugging, pulling
licking and sucking....
 creating a sensation of ORGASMS 
toes curled, and nipples erect....

 But his soft cat bubble gum kisses
were the only thing left
  on her that night.
in her dreams an memories
that will,did eventually fade, faded into darkness.
nothingness, 2 the point
were it didn't happen at all.
and the kisses weren't real.
only came alive that night
sparkled, shined, pleased that night.

Nothing left but sadness
his kisses in graded, tattooed, inked
 in her heart, soul, spirit, body, and  mind.

~ CHICO E~

 His phone number and voice
      on the other side of the line...
the sweet spoken words
  soft, glittering mind stimulating
    eatable, melting, delicious...

  His eyes dazzling,
 sparkling, mesmerizing
    to die for...
crawling into his eyes
   nothing but heartwarming
and pounding heart beats...

His lips bitter, spicy, bubble gum
  honey sweet, soothing
    rough and kissable
music to her lips
  the way they speak to her
like they want to do something
 great, unpredictable,

His perfect fit of nakedness
  awkwardness, rubbing, pressing
up against her naked skin
 making movement's of
   of sweet ocean waves  
is not easy when Ur trapped
 almost in a sweet dream
    of making love
with every kiss and touch
 of tenderness, roughness,
    candidness
that can't be explained
   only tasted, lived
by all 5 senses

"SELF- REALIZATION"

The sooner LP can accept
   that she was nobody? is nobody?
that she's not perfect, skinny, hot enough .....
 for him, everyone....she can't be that (friend) is just that friend???
will never be free, break out this dog cage.....

That she means shit, 2 anybody
   is a small rock in the ocean of perfect blue water...
that she can't please everyone, and everything
  that she will never be????? just because??
that nothing will ever fuck en change....
    no matter how hard she tries
                                     2 change herself ?
                                   CHANGE IT????
    that people will never fuck en change???
                           and if they do it's a fuck en miracle....
that she will always be the exception ?
                            not the STAR .....
live in the SHADOWS of those who have succeeded .....


  The SOONER she comes 2 accept .....
      that she's alone in this journey, will be alone .....
     even in a room full of 100 people 2 or 1
and her HEART and SOUL will never be PERFECT AGAIN???
            but scared 4 life......
when she comes 2 accept, all her stupid big or little floes in life
            She'll be one step closer 2 HAPPINESS, PERFECTION inside and out .....
alone, alone, solo one step closer 2 the PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS.....
                        

      

MATHEMATICAL PSYCH EQUATION

What am I afraid of?
    the world...
         not living up 2 their expectations
failing not being the best, number 1
   that I can only do so much
not calculating life mathematically
           perfect ....

My own insecurities
   and thoughts that live in the
corner of my mind ....
that haunt my sweet dreams
          at night
so whats stopping me
from getting to point
    B from point A
is it all mentally, psychological
       in my head ?

What am I afraid of ?
  is it the future that was never
     part of my major plan, dream.....
not caring, drowning in mistakes
  swimming and getting nowhere?
what am I afraid of ....
     running in a circle and starting
back at square 1 and not
       succeeding
Is it that I am afraid of my own
      reflection
that looks back at me
all the things I didn't do
      should have done,
am I AFRAID you or Me
   twisted inside can't climb my way out
what am I afraid of
 trying 2 de code this life of mine
     like decoding a guy from head 2 toe
cuz if this chic could read his mind
    he would realy dig her .....

So the math problem lives
unsolved till the end
   until the right numbers
mach and click go together
  like some perfect equation
that fell from the sky
  and has a great story 2 tell.

      

The poets Little Boat

If her life is hers
what should she do
she's alive and living
their has to be more to life
instead of looking for something
that's missing
but what does she do
better on her own
like owning her sexuality
with an attitude....

All she needed was love
his perfect lips
because it's only a game
you can't explain what has been
          done
only feel so deep inside
so may the fates save
her beautiful soul
every dream inside
her soul, heart.....
Theirs a lot of shit on this earth
that can make you bleed
everything you give
everything you take from this earth
      all the shit
that can make you cry
 can make you lonely, sick, dead
like running out of sweet dreams ...
every metaphor, every word
that lives within you
is only you ...
 no one ells that can say
I wanted that bad
  More then you'll ever know.....
 Life itself yours

***MUSH DAYDREAMING ***

Stuck in an elevator with ken Dall
baby face cu ti pie
tall and skinny but not to, tall or skinny
his Hollywood stunner shads, like cool hand Luke
his honey golden brown hair
brushed geld down perfectly, with a little spike of a mess
his sexy grungy, ruff, clean cut beard, mustache
kissable lips and perfect
sweet loveable smile


His sexy Armani shirt
with a black pea coat with a scarf
tight skinny jeans and dress shoes only the best
into guitar playing, art, music, and fast cars
like beauty and the beast, the little mermaid
loving collage, loving the boy
tough but sweet, nice but a babe
tattooed a bad ass all at once


She has to wake up, wake up
because he'll never dig her for her
she has to be the mysterious chic
with black long hair, that's in a trench coat
that looks hot and sexy
but smart, cute an more...another Cinderella fairy tale
a bad 80's song turned into
a walking fashion model, of a guy ...
only dreaming this guy up,
he's so perfect he's so shy
so why can't he see her 4 her only

~ November Without Him ~

 As the naked Trees
throw their last leaves
November without him
will never be the same
as the days get colder and shorter
the wind blows away the leaves
and the the thoughts
    of the good Times
will still stick like glue
November without him
will never be the same

I'm buggin for him
maybe I have to walk
on the wrong side of the street
be at the wrong place at the wrong Time
make random choices and maybe we'll
   Meet one day .....
and destiny will happen out of the blue
as if it was meant to be
   all along from the beginning

White horses and the Tree of life
under the earth, sun and moon
at the end of the line, earth
his eyes shine like the stars
but every time I call
he's never there .....
every time I look for him
he's gone......
only in my dreams he's there ...
the sky is gray the hours are long
missing him ...
November without him, will never be the same

It's like the rain crying
November without him
is like calling the moon
to fix my heart
it's like slowly dieing inside .........

*THE HEART*

Who the hell do they think they are
breaking my heart and soul ....?
I guess I'm the dumb ass
standing in the rain waiting to catch a cold ..
trying to save old friendships
that weren't meant to be ....
He left never came back,
no sweet kisses, no postcards, no phone calls ....
or said goodbye .....
She didn't call anymore, didn't come around anymore
she stopped calling .....
He became full of himself....
full of crock shit, trying to erase
who he really was because of our past....

Over the years new friends were made ...
but I guess I'm the dumb ass
standing in the rain,waiting to catch a cold
waiting for them to let me in the circle
In crowed
Cuz I'm not cool enough, nothing more or less
who the hell do they think they are
breaking my heart and soul
But even a blue crush
I'm the dumb ass
standing in the rain waiting to catch a cold
waiting for him to let me in
his heart, mend all his wounds
with sweet warm kisses
who the hell do they think they are
breaking my heart and soul

But theirs time to start over
from scratch
I'll never leave this place,
get out of this town
will rot inside my soul,
trying to climb out of this box
called my life
cuz I'm the dumb ass
standing in the rain, waiting for
a miracle, the world to let me in ....