~BOYZ Mind GAMES~

 The first time 

      Hurting from guys After guys till she hit a wall, 

    Expecting nothing @all only sex at first ......

       But didn't mean to fall so quick in the long run...

   She realized that wasn't the way to go...

      The silence said It all, only breaking her more,

   And her low self -esteem, sadness...

   No way out of these memories and first experiences, of fucking guys only wanting sex...

  Nothing ells, after the first one...and losing her virginity 

 When it wasn't what she thought it was.... She spiraled out of control. one guy after another 

Only to forget the first time...she got to the point were sex was no longer pleasure, 

But depressing, sad, with no spark...she just let Guys use her body, she

Wasn't there 100% trying to use sex, as a way to escape her sadness...

Her beautiful friend said heart of mine, u can share all of u and ur feeling with one guy....

The sad part was she she didn't she split, cut her virginity up, and shared it with 4 different 

Guys along w herself and feelings... Learning the hard way it's not easy becoming 

A young lady aka a woman...

But lucky (4)~ said it all 

   Don't be shy around me, open up like u do with ur girlfriends, 

   Don't compare ur self 2 her, ur nobody special at all...

   CUP CAKE - said it nobody will love u, ur and ugly , fat stupid ho, bitch 

  For caring about me, coming undone naked for me.......he said 

 Lucky 4 spoke far all 3of them that had no ward 2say, only body messages, 

That she read unclear, the wards between the lines she couldn't see or read, 

Didn't know how.... Like ur sweet, kind, smart, and pure 

 But ur not bad enough, good enough for my list sorry .......

So she slowly hit the bottle one after another after another 

For months trying to erase their names....and memories stuck in 

Her dark black, broken heart black bruised,burnt soul 

The corners of her mind and deep dreams...she hit another wall 

Rock bottom with nothing left to say....but hopefully she can find her way

 Back to the light......

~THE CIRCLE~

A broken heart, soul girl inside ...
And everything will break 4no reason.....
Their world was to bright with glitz an glamour, green an gold...
And she wasn't bright enough, smart, hot, perfect
To live in their world.....just the way she was her.....
She wasn't cool enough 2be in their world of fun an perfection
Craziness,dirtiness.....
When she was there, she wasn't good enough...
She was nobody the sad clown of the party,
Of  awkward, strange, weird Waldo.....

A bench line friend on the outside looking in....
Dreaming of being in the circle....
Feeling left out....
 No matter how much she gave gives an gave
She didn't doesn't fit in the circle ....
Of social coolness, called the IN CROWD...
It wasn't good enough she was a square....
An will always be a square of uncool ness....

No matter how much money or materialistic things she gave...
No matter how much of her heart she gave...
No matter how many lies she told, rules she broke....
No matter how HOT she tried to look, be someone else
An not herself.....
She was never Ghana be COOL fit in the perfect CIRCLE...
And was always Ghana be a square....

Those were the rules of the cool kids....
Someone unperfected uncool like her
Was never Ghana be  EXCEPTED
As one of the cool kids
Or the the (IT GIRL) no matter what ...
She was destine 2be on that path....
The fates really love her....
An the sooner she excepts that
Walks away the less her heart, soul
Will get hurt inside......

-Pyschotic Beauty Obsession-

- If she was smart, funny, out going confident, popular,
Sassy, courageous, well spoken with kindness
An lovable sweetness like her.....

Then maybe the beauty inside her
Wouldn't kill break her heart. Eat her alive with sadness
Into a million pieces, with fear, depression, anxiety
Coldness, shallowness, hollowness, emptiness of
                   Nothingness at all...
An drive her crazy, to be somebody ells that's
                   Well put together

If she was spontaneous, charming, pretty, beautiful,
Glamorous, stunning, attractive
Hot, sexy, wild, seducing like her.....

She wouldn't be a nobody, a worthless loser,
A virgin 2 lots of things, socially dysfunctional, awkward
A muse, a stupid joke, weird, strange, goofy, special
Different, a buzz kill, a nerd, geek, dork, freak
An uncool Waldo, a boring person so dead inside,
Trapped inside a glass jar looking out,
   Wishing she could break out
Into a beautiful butterfly,

If she was cool, popular, wonderful, amazing,
Perfect like her......

She wouldn't be on the outside of the circle,
Looking in wishing to be in the circle...
Different doors would open,
Different talents and skills would appear
a good luck charm she would  be
A perfect magazine image she would be
An Unbroken girl, she would be
All the things she desire to be,
An more....

If she was like her.....

Then maybe she wouldn't cut her wrist an
Wish that she was never born, think that
She was so ugly an fat, looking through her
Mind broken mirror of insecurities...
drown into a
Psychotic obsession of being her.....
Fucken perfect an skinny, an bleaching
Her beautiful skin to one fucken perfect color...
An mutilating her body in every way
That u can think of, 2be perfect....
Because 2 her being being perfect
Was not being her lovely self
 But someone els,wishing to be
Someone els an not her at all.

 (4 -L.V ):):)

-GRAY WHISKERS-

Lp says LLaslin
       Died
The day she saw him, and crossed his path
  And sunk in his name in, socked in his face
She fell 4 him so hard an let him in....
Let down her walls, of insecurities....
   The day he robbed a bitter, sweet
     Imperfect, perfect, long an wet
     Kiss from her soft lips
Looked her in the eyes, an created a spark
     That moved and gravitated her heart, 2the light

She died the day....
   She crawled into his angel
    Mesmerizing, dazzling, sparkling,
     Glowing, brown eyes
      Tasted the corner, of his perfect lips
      With every kiss like sweet, honey, chocolate
      She died that day inside, just a little...

 She died the day...
   She trusted him with her heart....
   As she slipped into his soft bed sheets
                    Naked
   On a cold winter day...
    And gave him all of her, with every kiss
                   orgasm
       Touching his beautiful mocha skin
              And falling for him
      Even a small peace of her heart
     She died the day....
     He made his way to her heart, head, dreams